Wherever you may fall along the continuum of discipline options, most of us have used (or at least attempted to use) a time out at least once. It was the most effective punishment for my firstborn. She loves being around people, and to have to be relegated to her room, away from everyone else, was devastating. Me, on the other hand, I thrive on time alone. I always have. This has become even truer since having children. Taking a few minutes to myself – to take a shower, to read a quick chapter in a book, to just read the newspaper or drink a cup of coffee without any little ones around – has become a real treat. And so, I instituted the “Mommy Time Out.”
It worked splendidly with my oldest. When I felt my patience thinning or my temper rising or I had just reached a point of exhaustion only other moms understand, I would kindly tell her that, “Mommy needs a time out. I will be back in 5-10 minutes.” She respected time out. It was viewed as a punishment for sure through her little eyes, so if I had to go to time out, she left me completely alone. I would often just sit on my bed, decompress, count a few of my many blessings and regroup. When I opened the door, I would be a calmer, more compassionate version of me. It worked like a charm. I found myself a better mom when I took these few breaks during the day for myself. I even managed to extend my time out once into a full weekend away in a hotel – by myself! (That one was my husband’s idea. And it was great. All moms should get to do this at least once per child.) I came home after two nights of eating and sleeping by myself and I was renewed.
And then, my youngest was born. Time outs do not work for her. I have literally watched her sing to and have conversations with the wall for an entire ten minutes. They just don’t phase her. If you try them in public, she pitches a royal fit. If you try it at home, you’ll likely come back to find that she’s elbows deep in crafting materials or that she’s used the time in her room to change outfits three times. (Yay! I love laundry!) So, it follows, she also does not respect the Mommy Time Out. She just doesn’t understand why anyone would need to be alone and quiet – ever. The only time she is quiet is when she is asleep, and even then, she snores.
Not long after the movie Frozen came out, I had a bad day. Nothing was going right. I was being impatient with my children for no good reason and I just told them both, “Mommy needs a time out. Play on your own for a few minutes.” I shut my door and sat down on my bed. Before I had time to gather my thoughts at all, I heard my youngest plop down on the other side of my door. I was thinking how I couldn’t manage to even get five minutes alone when she started singing. You know the lyrics…”Do you want to build a snowman? Come on let’s go and play. I never see you anymore, come out the door, it’s like you’ve gone away. We used to be best buddies, but now we’re not. I wish you would tell me why.” On that last part, her voice trailed off and I could tell she was really wanting to know. What had happened that we weren’t best friends anymore? I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. I chose laughter. How can you not when your toddler has sung the perfect song to you to break you out of your funk? She really matched the lyrics to the situation.
I haven’t completely abandoned the idea of the Mommy Time Out. I still use it on occasion and I encourage you to, as well. It’s very effective. Just taking those few minutes to regroup can be game changing. Now, however, I usually make sure that my youngest is settled nicely in front of a favorite show or playing some sort of game with her sister before I retreat to my room. Tonight I was even able to take a long enough shower that I had time to shave my legs before my “time out” was over. If you don’t have a good place to do your own time out in your home, here are some other things I’ve tried for destination time outs – pedicures, massages, going to the grocery store alone, exercising at a gym that offers child care, putting Dad on solo duty for a bit. The list goes on. There are a ton of ways to get a time out. Trust me – sometimes everyone needs it, especially Mamas.
If you can relate, I’d love to hear about it. Leave me a comment about your own Mommy Time Out ideas. And please share this post!