For the last three months, basketball has been a huge part of the weekly schedule in our home. Our oldest is in her fourth season of Rec League ball and this is her first year playing on a club team simultaneously. Just this week we have had two games and have three more over the next three days. Rec League is wrapping up and the Club Team is just getting amped up. As I reflect over the last few months, I realize just how much our daughter is learning that goes well beyond basketball.
She is learning the importance of team work – when any member of the team can’t make a game, the whole team suffers. When the players work together and communicate on the court, the team thrives. She is learning about perseverance. She is the only player on her team that hasn’t put points on the board. She does contribute in other ways, of course, but I love seeing her try game after game and not give up. She is learning about sacrifice. Sometimes she sits the bench and is expected to support and cheer on her team from the side. Her teammates have sacrificed for her by allowing her to play in their spots to give her more scoring opportunities. She has learned about compassion from her coaches as they take time to mentor each girl one on one. She has learned about generosity as her coaches volunteer their time week after week for the love of coaching without any monetary compensation. I love that she is learning all these things. She is on a great team with fantastic coaches and this season in particular has been an exceptional one.
Unfortunately, this season I have also realized that not every player is lucky enough to have a similar experience. Every coach has a different style, I get that. Some are loud and some are soft spoken. Some are all about the fun and some are all about the game. That is all fine. To each his or her own. Some people, however, should not be coaches. Through this season I have seen coaches berate and belittle their players. I have watched girls snatched up by their jerseys and yelled at in front of an audience. I have witnessed coaches get Technical fouls because they can’t control their tempers and use all kinds of profanity in front of the players. Keep in mind that we are talking about 9 and 10 year old girls. Yes, it’s competitive, but some people take it too far. I’ve even watched a team accept a tournament trophy while their coach was forbidding them to smile because, “you may have won, but you played like crap.” I wonder, what are these girls learning? It’s not teamwork or compassion. It’s not generosity and it’s certainly not a good lesson on how adults should behave. I am sure that several of these players will not play again as this can’t have been a pleasant experience for them. I have heard stories from too many adults who quit sports as children because of their treatment by overzealous, winning over everything, consequences be darned coaches. That is sad – there is no other word for it. It’s just sad.
So this post is dedicated to the true community coaches out there – the coaches who run hard practices, but never forget that people are more important than wins; the coaches who sacrifice time with their own families to treat our children like their own; the coaches who use sports as a platform to instill lasting values of character and integrity in the next generation. My daughter has this in her coach. She’s had it in coaches before and hopefully she will have it in coaches in the future. All of you who volunteer your time to invest in our children should be applauded, should be thanked, should know how much you are valued and appreciated. And when you see someone coaching who really shouldn’t be, speak up. Our daughters, and our sons, deserve better.
Thanks to all the fantastic community coaches out there.
