If Mama ain’t happy…

Well, we all know what comes next.  Come on, say it with me! We’ve all heard it a million times.

If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

I’m not sure if this is a colloquialism that is unique to the Southern United States, or if it’s more universal than that. What I do know, though, is that I must have heard this a million times if not more while growing up in Northern Georgia. In fact, my dad’s wedding advice to both of my brothers and my husband when we all got married was aimed at the men – “Just do what the woman says.” Now anyone who knows my dad knows that he is not stuck in the 1950’s. He is not committed to stereotypical gender roles of any sort. Even so, this advice has stuck with me. I have come to realize that what he has jokingly said to my brothers and my husband is only partially correct.  Here is how the saying should really go-

If Mama ain’t healthy, ain’t nobody happy.

I can hear your heads nodding.  We’ve all been there, and we are about to be there again as flu season kicks off once again.  Moms are just not allowed to be sick.We don’t have the time or the luxury to lay in bed for days as our bodies fight off one virus or another. We know this. We secretly envy our husbands when they get sick because we would love to have some alone time and catch up on all the Daytime TV shows we secretly love but don’t want to admit that we watch. (Personally, I love The Price Is Right, Hoarders and Judge Judy!) We think about how nice it would be to sleep sixteen hours a day and have someone bring us hot tea and soup in bed. But that isn’t reality, now, is it? No matter how loving and attentive your spouse may be, things go to heck in a handbasket quickly when moms get sick.

I had this experience last Fall. Three of the four people in my family got their flu shots -I bet you can guess the one who didn’t! I prematurely patted myself on the back that at least the girls and I were protected for the season. Wrong! Despite our best efforts, my youngest and I both got the flu. I am told it wasn’t as bad as it would have been had we not had the vaccines, but it was still pretty awful. Add to that that we were sick at the same time. So, in between trips to the bathroom and trying to rest, I was entertaining a 4 year old who had a fever too high to go to school, but was amazingly energized at the idea of a few days home to “play” with mom.

Admittedly, my husband was wonderful. As soon as he got home from work each evening, I could be “off duty” for a bit and actually get some of the much needed rest I had missed out on while having tea parties with stuffed animals and digging play-doh out of the carpet. So each evening I would cherish the two hours or so before bedtime that I could be alone and rest. Even then I would often be lovingly interrupted by small knocks on the door because one or the other of our girls needed something and only Mama could help. No one can seem to do without Mama for very long. It is a mixed blessing – so wonderful to feel so needed and so stressful to not be able to be out of commission.(Even now as I sit down for a little writing time, I am up and down to dry hair after showers or check the appropriateness of a TV show or get the cats in from outside.) And still, during the day I was doing the laundry that was piling up, cleaning up dishes and calling to cancel or reschedule all of the activities and appointments that had already been scheduled before the flu invaded our home. Because even when Mama is sick, the house must keep running. After three days at home, I had enough “rest” and went back to work. It was a relief to get back to our normal routine. Although, I did miss watching The Price Is Right the rest of the week. It was Armed Forces Week – one of my favorites.

Contrast that with when my (unvaccinated) husband got the flu about two weeks later. Now my husband is not a little guy -he’s 6’4″ tall and a Navy Veteran. But when it comes to being sick, he’s not tough at all. In fact, when he got the flu, we pretty much just shut him in the bedroom and left him alone for the next four days. I opened the door to bring him Sprite or Ginger Ale or to check his temperature, but other than that, our household zipped along. Not to say that Dad is not needed, he is, he really is. He is an integral part of our family and I would not want to do this life without him. But when Dad is sick, no schedules get shifted, carpools run on time, bedtime routine remains the same and household chores get completed. When Mama is sick, not one of those things goes flawlessly. In fact, all of those things take more effort to coordinate than usual.

If you’re still reading this, then I know you understand. Whether you identify as the Mama or the Daddy or maybe even the child in this story, there is something that is ringing true for you. I don’t have an answer for this dilemma or a new sage piece of advice on how to handle getting sick as a parent. The only thing I can tell you is that almost exactly one year later at the start of another flu season, all four members of our family have had their flu shots – and Daddy was first in line! May your winter be flu-free and if you do get sick, I hope you get some real rest because we all know that…

When Mama ain’t healthy, ain’t nobody happy!